Where is My Rock?

I cannot sleep. My eyes hurt from crying. Spencer asked to sleep with me last night and cuddled next to me. He had a tough time going to sleep too. I could tell he was worried about me and no amount of telling him I would be okay was going to satisfy him. He needed to be there with me. I think he will stay with grandma today since he was up so late. I cannot justify sending him to school, but I cannot bear the thought of him being at the surgery center. He just doesn't need to experience that because I am quite sure I will not be able to hold myself together. It's one thing for him to know his mommy is sad. It's another for him to see me blubbering on uncontrollably. I have slept off an on tonight, but every time I wake up it hits me again and I sob. I keep thinking they will cancel this surgery when I get there because I can't breathe through my now swollen nose and I look like I have been in a boxing ring with how swollen my eyes are right now. I would like to crawl under a rock and just stay there for a while.