New Family Member!

Spencer, Blondie and Lex.

So I took a little break for a while. I got a bit depressed after the miscarriage, but I am feeling much better now. We have been busy for the past few months. We planted a garden, had a birthday party and added a new family member named Blondie.

Thomas found Blondie when he was at a yard sale. The family said they just weren't home enough to spend time with her. She is 3 years old, house trained, spayed and the sweetest dog ever. She is adjusting well to her new home and all the cats that she was afraid of at first.

Spencer and Blondie sleeping on the porch.

Blondie follows me throughout the house and sleeps at my feet when I sit on the couch. At night, she sleeps with Spencer and even growled a little at Thomas one morning when he went to check on Spencer before he left for work.

The first day she was here, she didn't like the idea of coming in the house so she stayed on the front porch for a while. She and Spencer fell asleep while getting to know each other. Later that evening she finally decided it was okay to come inside. I'm glad Thomas decided to bring her home. :)

Where is My Rock?

I cannot sleep. My eyes hurt from crying. Spencer asked to sleep with me last night and cuddled next to me. He had a tough time going to sleep too. I could tell he was worried about me and no amount of telling him I would be okay was going to satisfy him. He needed to be there with me. I think he will stay with grandma today since he was up so late. I cannot justify sending him to school, but I cannot bear the thought of him being at the surgery center. He just doesn't need to experience that because I am quite sure I will not be able to hold myself together. It's one thing for him to know his mommy is sad. It's another for him to see me blubbering on uncontrollably. I have slept off an on tonight, but every time I wake up it hits me again and I sob. I keep thinking they will cancel this surgery when I get there because I can't breathe through my now swollen nose and I look like I have been in a boxing ring with how swollen my eyes are right now. I would like to crawl under a rock and just stay there for a while.

Great News

So I haven't written in a while mainly because I have been asleep if I have not been at work. I am 10 weeks 3 days pregnant. I am so excited even though it was unexpected. The timing isn't so great because my husband is not working but I don't think the timing is ever really good for the average family. I was taking a progesterone supplement, Prometrium, until the 9th week which made me super sleepy. Since I am no longer on it, I am less sleepy and less nauseous! Hooray!!

I was really happy to share the 8 week ultrasound with my mom because she will be back at the Grand Canyon in August when the little peanut arrives. I am over 35 so my doctor explained to me that I am at a little higher risk. So I am going back for a check-up on Monday at 11 weeks instead of 12. I also have an appointment scheduled with a perinatologist on February 20 to have a screening test called nuchal translucency done. It is blood work and an ultrasound that measures the spinal fluid present and then compared to determine the my risk for this baby having Down Syndrome, Edward's Syndrome and a handful of other abnormalities.

After the 8 week ultrasound and seeing the heartbeat, we felt like it was time to tell Spencer. I made a sign that says "I am going to be the big

brother!" and had Spencer read it out loud. He was so excited. We let him (in picture form) tell the Facebook world. Many family members and friends already knew, but it was still fun for Spencer! He asked when the baby would be here. When I told him August, he said "Holy freaking chestnuts! I have to wait until August to be a big brother?" I told him he had already waited 10 years so a few more months shouldn't hurt you!

I'll be sure to keep this updated so you can learn more about the peanut! The rollercoaster continues!

Tough Decisions

For those of you that don't know, Spencer has ADHD and Tourette Syndrome. It was so difficult in the beginning getting a diagnosis. When he was six, he was diagnosed with ADHD. It was really difficult for his dad to accept.

Before medication, Spencer had ZERO impulse control. He knew right from wrong, he just couldn't stop himself. We tried every parenting trick in the book before we chose medication. Nothing worked. It was frustrating and I began to feel like a failure as a mother.

The first tough decision was to try medication. He began treatment with Vyvanse which is a long acting medication. It worked really well for him. After he had been taking Vyvanse for about a year, someone pointed out to me that he appeared to have a tic. I called his pediatrician and told him about my concerns. He recommended that Spencer see a child neurologist. So we waited for six weeks to see Dr. Cheng at Child Neurology Associates in Atlanta. Spencer was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome at seven years old. He could not take Vyvanse anymore because it is a stimulant like most ADHD medications. Dr. Cheng recommended we try Intuniv. The second tough decision was to try a relatively new medication.

I was terrified by what this meant for my child. All I really knew about Tourette Syndrome was from movies I had seen that sensationalized the disorder and from a 60 Minutes special I had seen about a camp for children with Tourette Syndrome. I was worried about the future.

Then I did my research and discovered that the one symptom I had hoped he would not have, coprolalia (cursing), was a rare symptom. His symptoms will likely get worse as he approaches puberty. (Insert sarcastic tone here.) Great because puberty is easy. But on the up side, they should improve through his teen years and he could go into complete remission of his symptoms as an adult

So we come to the next difficult decision. He has been taking Intuniv for two years now and in the past few months, it just doesn't seem to be helping anymore. We have an appointment with Dr. Cheng coming up on December 9th. (Yeah, we had to wait six weeks again for an appointment.) I am a little nervous about what he will recommend because at the last appointment he mentioned that we may have to try a combination of medications. I can't stand that he is taking one every single day. His dad doesn't want him on any at all.

This should be fun.

Here Spencer, Spencer.....

Last night we were at Grandma's new house celebrating Thanksgiving. Aunt Heather brought Kate the cat from the old house to the new house and she is getting to stay inside for a week to get used to her new surroundings. Spencer loves cats and was following her around to play with her.

A little while later Grandma asked where is Spencer. He was quiet which is usually not a good sign. So I went to find him. I looked in the kitchen where I last saw him. Then the dining room. I went upstairs to Heather's room, not there. I checked the kids playroom, not there. I checked the bathrooms, the sun room and then the master bedroom where Grandpa was already sleeping. Not there???

Where was my child? Then everyone got up to look. All the doors leading outside were locked but we looked anyway. Someone went down to the basement. I checked the garage. I was beginning to panic. Where could he have gone? He doesn't like to go outside by himself when it is dark. Surely he didn't go outside!

Aunt Heather came out of Grandma and Grandpa's room laughing and says come here. She leads me to the closet, which is bigger than my bathroom. Inside the closet, tucked away under hanging clothes with Grandpa's robe hanging down almost covering his face is my sweet angel. Sound asleep. He had been laying down petting Kate and fell asleep.

I wish I had gotten a picture because it was so cute to see him snuggled up in that closet.

It's All About Perspective

I have been posting my "thankfuls" on Facebook since November 15th. I started posting a little late, so I spent the evening coming up with my 15 reasons to be thankful so I could catch up. I had a pretty diffucult time coming up with all 15. Many of my reasons to be thankful were easy because I think about them everyday. Thomas and Spencer are my biggest "thankfuls" every single day. There are days, of course, that I would love to run away and be free from all responsibility, but who doesn't have those days?

This year has been a tough one. Finding out I was pregnant quite unexpectedly and then having a miscarriage was brutal. My husband losing his job in October was another tough blow. Realizing this job loss was within days of when I would have been having a new baby made me look at things a little bit differently. I know that sounds strange, but it restored my faith that God really does know what he is doing in my life. Having Thomas at home has been a blessing in disguise. Sure we are having to make adjustments. I can only imagine what it would be like right now if I had not finished my degree in May and gotten a raise this year. But the good part is that he is home. He does laundry, cleans the house, makes dinner and picks Spencer up from school in the afternoons. He doesn't get stuck in traffic coming home from a job that he hates in a foul mood and not wanting to speak to anyone for a while after he gets home late in the evening.

Would I still love to be holding that baby in my arms right now. Absolutely. It breaks my heart not to have it now. I had to call in sick on October 14. My actual due date was 2 weeks later, but with having a C-section with Spencer I knew that I would have another one and that would move the date up to October 14. I was doing fine until I got up that morning and saw the date on the school lunch calendar. Then I lost it. I was sobbing. I called in and went back to bed wanting the day to go away. I lay there thinking about "Heaven is for Real". The little boy had met his sister in Heaven and she didn't have a name. We had picked a few names that we like but had never settled on one. I decided that it was time to name our baby since it was the day it was due to arrive. I got out my list and Thomas and I narrowed it down to names that we both liked. There were unisex names as well as girl and boy names. It was really hard to pick names not knowing the sex of the baby. I decided that Spencer should pick the name since we had told him that we would make a list and let him pick the name. He chose Autumn. I love you Autumn.

So as I started out, it is all about perspective. Could my life be better? Could this year have been different? Yes, but it could have been worse too.

Spencerism

We were riding down the road today. As usual, my dear sweet hubby is driving like a bat out of hell. I proceed to "scold" him. Spencer asks, "Dad, are you drunk?" Dad answers, "No, why?" Spencer explains, "We all have to follow the rules. Only drunk people do what they want." We both hold back our laughter and decide that Spencer needs to have a new slogan each day. So today's slogan is "Only drunk people do what they want." I can't wait to hear the next Spencerism. <3

The Best Mom

So Spence and I are driving home from school. I tell him that we have to stop at the store on the way home and he asks if he gets to get the crazy straws we talked about because he had a good day at school. I say of course because we made a deal. He tells me "You are the best mom a kid could have!" That has to be one of the best moments as a mom. I felt ten feet tall.

It did not last long. Within a few minutes, Spence was asking for something else. I told him that is not what we had talked about and we were not going to buy anything else. So naturally what follows is "Hmmp, I hate you!" Well I've been told that a time or two now, so it does not hurt my feelings anymore. Not like the first time anyway.

Spence has not finished the zoo book. Like any artist, the mood must strike and right now he has moved on to other things. He always comes back to the zoo book though so it will eventually be finished.

Right now Spence is dreaming up new ideas. He has decided to "alter animals". Don't worry, he just means in his imagination! He has come up with a Trigon which is a cross between a Triceratops and a Dragon. He has described it to me in full detail and I can't wait to share the picture with you. That is, if he ever puts it on paper. There is a Girdactyl which is a Giraffe and a Pteradactyl. A Zeraffe which is a Zebra and Giraffe and finally the Allipig which is an Alligator and Guinea Pig together. Interesting creatures, I am not sure I would want to find one in a dark alley!!